For the girls, a lot of the issue is the parents, especially the mothers. Many of them are at least as tied up in it as the girls. There are literally consultants that charge well into four figures, or more, for counseling on what to wear, what to say, what to have on your resume — yes, the process can start in early high school.
Those same consultants also provide counseling during rush week, which can be really traumatic if a girl either doesn’t get a bid, or doesn’t get a bid to the one she wants.
Fraternity rush is a lot less structured, and if you don’t have the experience you’re looking for, it’s not as public. For the girls, it’s kind of laid bare.
I was in a fraternity and can say that the Greek system isn’t all bad. Left to my own devices, I’d spend a lot of time by myself, and it forced me out of my shell. I‘m still friends with a few of the guys from back in the day. There’s an undeniable bond of shared experiences. They can provide business connections that are especially valuable early in your working life. It can be a positive in the community…. it was a huge force in the days following the April 27 tornado.
But there is also a dark side — misplaced priorities around academic vs. social activities, big pressure to conform, groupthink. If you don’t fit perfectly, you’re frequently reminded of that in some form or fashion, even if there’s nobody in your face about it at the moment.
I wasn’t mature enough to handle the dark side well, and pondered for years whether it was a net positive or negative for me personally. I came down at about 50.1% positive, 49.9% negative. But that’s just me. Some people thrived in it; others drowned. I was somewhere in the middle.
If I had it to do over again, knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t join. I’d fill in the gaps in social development through other organizations.
