Bizarre Headlines in News III

[CrimsonJazz]

She's got a dickie-do belly.

Or, you know, a dickie-don't......

 

[92tide]

and so it begins ...

Lab Monkeys Escape Overturned Truck Near Heidelberg, Mississippi

Lab monkeys from Tulane University have escaped an overturned truck around mile marker 117 on Interstate 59, north of the town of Heidelberg, Mississippi, marshalling a response from numerous law enforcement agencies.

www.mississippifreepress.org

 

[Bamaro]

Kourtney Kardashian is launching lollipops for your vagina

She's apparently not using it right

https://nypost.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2025/10/kourtney-kardashian-barker-lemme-glow-114298299.jpg?resize=768,960&quality=75&strip=all

 

[Elefantman]

Staffer for Massachusetts governor fired after arrest on cocaine and gun charges in Springfield

A member of Massachusetts Gov. Maura Healey's staff has been fired after he was arrested on drug and gun charges.

www.cbsnews.com

 

[DzynKingRTR]

and so it begins ...

Lab Monkeys Escape Overturned Truck Near Heidelberg, Mississippi

Lab monkeys from Tulane University have escaped an overturned truck around mile marker 117 on Interstate 59, north of the town of Heidelberg, Mississippi, marshalling a response from numerous law enforcement agencies.

www.mississippifreepress.org

Apes together, strong.

 

[75thru79]

Massive brawl breaks out at Texas Bass Pro Shop grand opening over bathroom dispute

It was a bass-erk brawl.

nypost.com

Apparently, dropping a duece in the restroom at Bass Pro Shops can get you killed.

 

[Bamaro]

Massive brawl breaks out at Texas Bass Pro Shop grand opening over bathroom dispute

It was a bass-erk brawl.

nypost.com

Apparently, dropping a duece in the restroom at Bass Pro Shops can get you killed.

It gets you pardoned by the deuce-in-chief if you do it in congress on a site seeing trip.

 

[Bamaro]

Kentucky voters complain that they cant vote.
https://x.com/KYSecState
Michael Adams, KY Secretary of State

@KYSecState

We’re getting calls about polls being closed. They are closed because we do not have elections today. Kentucky votes next year. You cannot vote today in Kentucky for the mayor of New York City or the Governor of Virginia. Sorry.

 

[CrimsonJazz]

Jury awards $10 million to Virginia teacher shot by 6-year-old student

A jury has awarded $10 million to teacher Abby Zwerner, who was shot by her 6-year-old student inside her classroom in 2023.

www.cbs8.com

NEWPORT NEWS, Va. — Nearly three years after the Richneck Elementary School shooting, the jury has reached a verdict in the $40 million lawsuit Abby Zwerner filed against Newport News Public Schools.

Zwerner was shot in the hand and chest in January 2023 as she sat at a reading table in her first-grade classroom. Zwerner spent nearly two weeks in the hospital, required six surgeries, and does not have the full use of her left hand. A bullet narrowly missed her heart and remains in her chest.