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I encountered two pet peeves at a lacrosse game last night.

B

Bodhisattva

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Aug 22, 2001
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Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida
Background: Lily is playing box lacrosse in the Summer. It's on a smaller field with half as many players. The field is surrounded by a wall (think hockey) to keep the ball in play. In the Spring they had an A and B team. Being a first year player, Lily was on the B (beginner) team. This summer season they have a dozen or so players, and only four are from the B team. So, Lily is playing with more experienced girls who are a year older, which is good. It'll push Lily to get better. However, while the B team was mediocre (won half their games), A team was winless in the Spring. And the goalie on the summer team (from the A team) is afraid of the ball. No hyperbole; she's afraid of the ball. She flinches and ducks at every shot. The score was 11-21 on a 45-minute running clock. But, Lily played pretty well. She had a goal that was cancelled due to some violation away from the play. There's certainly room for improvement, but she played hard and had fun. And that's the point.

So, on to the pet peeves: One, I don't much care for the concept of naming one's daughter Mackenzie. (That is the goalie.) Who in the heck names a girl "Son of Coinneach (Kenneth)"? And, two, the constant praising of the kids no matter what. After the goalie scored a goal on herself (on a positive note, she only surrendered 20 to the other team), several of the parents are yelling, "Good job, Mack. Nice try." No! Not a good job. Not a nice try. I would think the first requirement of being a goalie is to not be afraid of the ball. Why do some parents reinforce undesirable qualities?

Ok, being up on this soapbox is making my dizzy. Stepping down now.
 
By the time they've reached youth sports the seeds of coddling, watering down and lowered expectations of our kids have long been planted. I've got kids ranging from the age of 2 years old to 12 years old and one thing my wife and I have noticed, is the shows geared toward them (Disney, Sprout channel, etc.) make an OBVIOUS effort to discourage competition. You will rarely find a show where there's a scene of a race, or some form of competition. Where someone comes in first, second, third etc. The scene normally works out where everybody crosses the finish line at the same time and "everybody wins". I've watched "Mickey and the Roadsters", "Mickey Mouse Playhouse", and lord knows how many other kid cartoons for twelve straight years. The messages are obvious.

My son played little league baseball for the first time this season. Up until this year I'd been away from baseball (of any sort) for 20 years. Man did I get a culture shock when I came back. I couldn't believe my eyes. It was like the scene on Captain America where he went to sleep and woke up 70 years later in New York City. I posted something about it back in April when my kid started practicing with the team. The bottom line is we're making pansies out of our kids, especially our boys. Then they grow up and we have to deal with this:

 
May I suggest yelling "you suck Mackenzie" loudly during every game. Occasionally throw in other choice epithets.
 
I am amazed that people are still surprised by this. This has been happening for a while now and it is only getting worse. It is the wussification of America.
 
DzynKingRTR said:
I am amazed that people are still surprised by this. This has been happening for a while now and it is only getting worse. It is the wussification of America.
Click to expand...

Yep, it's been a constant decline. My parents at 18-20 years old was equivalent to me being 25-30 years old. They had to grow up a lot faster than I did. Their parents were a lot tougher on them than they were on us.
 
Back when I was a kid, you watched these guys.....

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Wow, so much violence.....;)
 
seebell said:
May I suggest yelling "you suck Mackenzie" loudly during every game. Occasionally throw in other choice epithets.
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Blue font?

No one is suggesting that she should be berated for her poor play, but there's no reason to act like she's doing a good job if she's not. That does nothing to motivate her to work to improve and sows seeds of frustration among the players that actually work hard to be good.
 
crimsonaudio said:
Blue font?

No one is suggesting that she should be berated for her poor play, but there's no reason to act like she's doing a good job if she's not. That does nothing to motivate her to work to improve and sows seeds of frustration among the players that actually work hard to be good.
Click to expand...

if the parents would let the ball go out of bounds, the kids would learn a valuable lesson
 
I agree kids should be held to the standard of winning, not whining. My oldest loved baseball and played well through high school. When he first started as a 1st baseman he was 6 or 7 and was afraid of the ball. I tried to encourage him and it didn't help. Finally I built a backstop in the back yard and planted a base pad and threw the ball to him for practice. When he continued to shy away I tied his ankle to he base pad and threw at him with a tee ball which is soft. Once he had a few bounce off him he quit being afraid and played first or third throughout his years of playing. Sometimes parents have to prove to a kid that it doesn't hurt as bad as they fear.
 
Parents miss an invaluable opportunity to teach kids how to deal with life and life's problems via the platform of youth sports. Sports is a controlled environment that should offer a child the opportunity to learn life skills. They can learn to set a goal (winning/getting better), pursue that goal, experience failure, learn how to overcome failure (by practicing harder) and getting to the end of the season and being able to look back and see how much they have improved, what they've learned and what they need to practice for next season. It's a wonderful opportunity that parents today completely waste. They want to to take the struggle and disappointment out of it and have their kids ONLY experience the good. They are doing nothing more than setting them up for failure and major disappointment. You don't wait until a child becomes an adult to teach them how to be an adult.

NOW GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!!
 
crimsonaudio said:
Blue font?

No one is suggesting that she should be berated for her poor play, but there's no reason to act like she's doing a good job if she's not. That does nothing to motivate her to work to improve and sows seeds of frustration among the players that actually work hard to be good.
Click to expand...

Thanks Ca. That should be in blue font.
I wouldn't say good job but I would say good try. I have a great deal of experience in youth sports at the recreational level and the competitive level.
The primary job of youth sports is to impart a knowledge of the rules and techniques of play of the sport being played. The primary goal of the youth coach isto instill a love of the game.

I have seen many players who had little skill but tried hard. My son played HS varsity soccer for four years. We played New Hope High School every year. New Hope won, I think, one game in 4 years. They had no coach for practice. A volunteer coach from across the county would show up on game day. These young men, whose school record was about 1-79 played hard and to the best of their limited ability and never gave up. They remained good sports. The parents of the team were the most positive and gracious hosts you can imagine. These boys won no titles and only one game. Imagine the heart ache of losing game after game. But every player on that team deserved many accolades and certainly a trophy. Every time I hear some one say about a team "They don't deserve a trophy. They didn't win anything". I think of the boys from New Hope. Those boys deserved recognition as much as some high powered team that cruised to victory after victory. Like the state champions that beat them like a drum twice every year for 4 years.

Perhaps you are familiar with the behavioral concept of shaping. The closest approximation of a behavior that a subject is capable of is rewarded.

Perhaps last year MacKenzie the lacrosse goalie was so afraid of the ball she wouldn't move toward it. Maybe this season she moves toward it and she should be rewarded because she is getting better.

A carrot is better than a stick IMO.
 
Bamabuzzard said:
Parents miss an invaluable opportunity to teach kids how to deal with life and life's problems via the platform of youth sports. Sports is a controlled environment that should offer a child the opportunity to learn life skills. They can learn to set a goal (winning/getting better), pursue that goal, experience failure, learn how to overcome failure (by practicing harder) and getting to the end of the season and being able to look back and see how much they have improved, what they've learned and what they need to practice for next season. It's a wonderful opportunity that parents today completely waste. They want to to take the struggle and disappointment out of it and have their kids ONLY experience the good. They are doing nothing more than setting them up for failure and major disappointment. You don't wait until a child becomes an adult to teach them how to be an adult.

NOW GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!!
Click to expand...

i think that the kids on this team can learn an equally valuable life lesson. how do you do well/improve when others on your team either don't care, or don't have the requisite talents to succeed.
 
seebell said:
Thanks Ca. That should be in blue font.
I wouldn't say good job but I would say good try. I have a great deal of experience in youth sports at the recreational level and the competitive level.
The primary job of youth sports is to impart a knowledge of the rules and techniques of play of the sport being played. The primary goal of the youth coach isto instill a love of the game.

I have seen many players who had little skill but tried hard. My son played HS varsity soccer for four years. We played New Hope High School every year. New Hope won, I think, one game in 4 years. They had no coach for practice. A volunteer coach from across the county would show up on game day. These young men, whose school record was about 1-79 played hard and to the best of their limited ability and never gave up. They remained good sports. The parents of the team were the most positive and gracious hosts you can imagine. These boys won no titles and only one game. Imagine the heart ache of losing game after game. But every player on that team deserved many accolades and certainly a trophy. Every time I hear some one say about a team "They don't deserve a trophy. They didn't win anything". I think of the boys from New Hope. Those boys deserved recognition as much as some high powered team that cruised to victory after victory. Like the state champions that beat them like a drum twice every year for 4 years.

Perhaps you are familiar with the behavioral concept of shaping. The closest approximation of a behavior that a subject is capable of is rewarded.

Perhaps last year MacKenzie the lacrosse goalie was so afraid of the ball she wouldn't move toward it. Maybe this season she moves toward it and she should be rewarded because she is getting better.

A carrot is better than a stick IMO.
Click to expand...

I would say the "Boys from New Hope" deserved praise for their great effort, praise for having a great attitude and an encouraging message from the coach to keep trying. I think they deserved to have a great pool party and cookout at the end of the season. But no way I would have handed out trophies. I'm not criticizing you if that's what you did. But I simply couldn't and wouldn't have done that.
 
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Tidewater said:
This is completely off-topic, but what on earth did these young people expect to happen when they throw two young ladies at each other?
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Maybe the coach in the background with a cast on his arm was a great clue that this was not the best thought out plan.
 
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