Do you personally know someone that was a part of a "home wrecker" situation?

[Bamabuzzard]

Do you personally know someone that was a part of a "home wrecker" situation?

There's a couple I've personally known for a couple of years now that I recently found out their marriage is a product of a "home wrecking" type situation. I really like both these people and they are both some of the nicest people I've ever met. But after hearing how their marriage came about I'm really having a hard time seeing them in the same light and having a hard time from keeping how I feel about them from changing. I know people make mistakes, for goodness sakes I've made my share to last me a lifetime. But before knowing this I would have NEVER, EVER thought these two people would do or be apart of something like this. I guess it bothers me so much because of how much I respect these people, especially the wife. She is as good as gold. Giving, loving spirit and will do anything for anybody in need.

But the origin of their marriage is that the man (current husband) pursued her when she was married. But, in all fairness to him, she had just as much responsibility in it because she knew she was married, had a marital commitment to her then current husband to keep and chose not to. The woman had two kids with the husband she left.

I've heard of "home wrecking" situations a million times but it's always been about a couple I didn't know that someone I knew, knew. It's never been about someone I personally knew and had a relationship with. Since initially learning of this I've actually asked numerous people who I figured was around during that time and knew about the situation and all their versions of the story are dang near identical. And none of the parties would be considered "a conflict of interest" to materially distort what happened. All of them basically said the same thing. He was single, never been married, met her at "so and so" and would routinely see her at "so and so" and began pursuing her even though she was married, and she in turn participated even though she was married. I just have an issue with that and I have no room to judge, I know. It's just hard not to get a bit ticked off. :frown:

 

[twofbyc]

Re: Do you personally know someone that was a part of a "home wrecker" situation?

Yup...that's a toughie...
Barner I used to work with did that on his ex (he was married, hottie he was chasing was separated); destroyed his marriage, and the hottie went back to her hubby.
He got what he deserved.

 

[Bamabuzzard]

Re: Do you personally know someone that was a part of a "home wrecker" situation?

Well, this lady is very good looking as well. But her current husband was single at the time he was trying to jump her bones.

Yup...that's a toughie...
Barner I used to work with did that on his ex (he was married, hottie he was chasing was separated); destroyed his marriage, and the hottie went back to her hubby.
He got what he deserved.

 

[twofbyc]

Re: Do you personally know someone that was a part of a "home wrecker" situation?

Well, this lady is very good looking as well. But her current husband was single at the time he was trying to jump her bones.

I wish I could count the times I saw single guys I knew chasing married women...I can't think of any that ended up in them getting married, though, and I do remember one a long time ago getting shot at...

 

[It's On A Slab]

Re: Do you personally know someone that was a part of a "home wrecker" situation?

There's a couple I've personally known for a couple of years now that I recently found out their marriage is a product of a "home wrecking" type situation. I really like both these people and they are both some of the nicest people I've ever met. But after hearing how their marriage came about I'm really having a hard time seeing them in the same light and having a hard time from keeping how I feel about them from changing. I know people make mistakes, for goodness sakes I've made my share to last me a lifetime. But before knowing this I would have NEVER, EVER thought these two people would do or be apart of something like this. I guess it bothers me so much because of how much I respect these people, especially the wife. She is as good as gold. Giving, loving spirit and will do anything for anybody in need.

But the origin of their marriage is that the man (current husband) pursued her when she was married. But, in all fairness to him, she had just as much responsibility in it because she knew she was married, had a marital commitment to her then current husband to keep and chose not to. The woman had two kids with the husband she left.

I've heard of "home wrecking" situations a million times but it's always been about a couple I didn't know that someone I knew, knew. It's never been about someone I personally knew and had a relationship with. Since initially learning of this I've actually asked numerous people who I figured was around during that time and knew about the situation and all their versions of the story are dang near identical. And none of the parties would be considered "a conflict of interest" to materially distort what happened. All of them basically said the same thing. He was single, never been married, met her at "so and so" and would routinely see her at "so and so" and began pursuing her even though she was married, and she in turn participated even though she was married. I just have an issue with that and I have no room to judge, I know. It's just hard not to get a bit ticked off. :frown:

Depends on the situation. Just because you are married on paper doesn't mean your marriage is worth saving. There are many people who stay in loveless marriages for the "sake of the kids" when they would be far better off just getting a divorce and moving on with their lives.

Was the woman's first husband a serial philanderer, did he drink too much, was he emotionally distant, did he refuse repeated efforts to seek counseling, was he a deadbeat who ran up credit card bills, was he emotionally or physically abusive?

So the current marriage got off to a less than noble start.....does that mean the couple spends the rest of their days wearing a badge of shame?

 

[SavannahDare]

Re: Do you personally know someone that was a part of a "home wrecker" situation?

I've come across this situation repeatedly over the years, both socially and professionally. I've come to realize that, almost without fail, when a marriage ends it is rarely about the actions of just one person. It takes TWO EQUALLY COMMITTED PEOPLE to maintain a marriage. It is a relationship that takes a lot of hard work and devotion from both partners. It take two to keep it running and both are to blame when it falls apart. One person may cheat, but I guarantee you it's because there's something wrong within the marriage that the two of them have been unable or unwilling to confront and work through. No matter what you hear, the only two people who truly know what's happening in their marriage are the two people in the marriage, and even then the TRUTH is somewhere in the middle of their separate accounts.

Choosing to remain in a marriage, nurture it, and help it mature and become fulfilling is a CHOICE. Too many people feel it should just be about love and commitment. It's so much more complicated than that. Each and every day both people have to wake up and choose each other. When they can't do that, the marriage is over.

My suspicion about the couple you mention in the original post is this: Her former husband may not have wanted to admit it, but that marriage was over before the second husband-to-be made his appearance on the scene.

It's all very sad; especially for the children of the marriage between two people who can't get their act together to stick to their commitment to each other and their children.

 

[Boclive]

Re: Do you personally know someone that was a part of a "home wrecker" situation?

Kick 'em to the curb and never have anything to do with them in the future.

You'll be doing them a favor.

 

[Jon]

Re: Do you personally know someone that was a part of a "home wrecker" situation?

One of my wifes friends told her husband that she wanted to "experiment" with another girl and him, he was quite enthusiastic. Turns out she was a little more into it than he guessed. She is now in a very committed relationship with another friend of ours, also female, and he is single. I guess that qualifies as "home-wrecker"

and before anyone asks for pics, don't bother. These are "real" lesbians not the type you see on cinemax


J

 

[Bamabuzzard]

Re: Do you personally know someone that was a part of a "home wrecker" situation?

Dude cut that bullcrap out. I was just let down. Geez. :rolleye2: You've never held someone in very high regard (maybe too high I can admit that) and then have them let you down? Like I said, I have no room to judge and am trying my dangnest to keep in mind that I've gone about things maybe the not so right way. But again, it's hard not to be let down.

Kick 'em to the curb and never have anything to do with them in the future.

You'll be doing them a favor.

 

[rizolltizide]

Re: Do you personally know someone that was a part of a "home wrecker" situation?

Kick 'em to the curb and never have anything to do with them in the future.

You'll be doing them a favor.

Kinda what I was thinking. People do things, and things sometimes just happen. Usually though, as Savannah says, it is already happening in the background beforehand.

I'll admit, I was a "homewrecker" that caused an engagement to break off once. But to be 100% honest about it, she made the first move, I had no idea she was engaged, actually didn't really even know her, and I was single myself. Wasn't really my problem other than knowing what I was doing to some other dude's fiance. But after a few months she broke it off with him and moved out. Was probably the best thing for both of them anyway. We dated for about 3 1/2 years, it didn't work out and we split up, and now 16 years later we live about 10 houses away from each other on the same street. Strange days, indeed.

 

[CrimsonNan]

Re: Do you personally know someone that was a part of a "home wrecker" situation?

Yes. One of my best friends started "dating" her husband's boss after - but maybe even before - they parted company. This guy was married and she went with him for YEARS and he finally got a divorce and married her.

Somewhere along the way - as far as I know after her divorce - she began to drink. She's very petite and couldn't hold it. There were times when a group of us ladies went out to a concert or something, and had dinner first. There were many times when I had to "pour" her home, and I got tired of her drinking AND her running around with a married man, and one day I walked out of her house, and never went back.

That happened when I was living in Florida and had come back to Birmingham for a visit. I was going to stay with her one night, and then another friend afterwards. When I got to her house, her "boyfriend" was there, and she was already drunk at 2:00 in the afternoon. I called my other friend and asked if I could come on over to her house to spend the night, and I'd explain later. She said "yes". I never saw my drunk friend again until years later in the parking lot of a grocery store. We said "hello" and that was all.

I don't know why I put up with her as long as I did. It's best to get out of the life of someone like that. Obviously they're not going to change.

 

[Bamabuzzard]

Re: Do you personally know someone that was a part of a "home wrecker" situation?

Well, assuming that these parties are not all conspiring and lying the issues seemed to be about careers, direction of careers, money issues and both of them "changing in different directions". I do understand what you're saying and I'm not condemning anybody to hell or anything. I was just disappointed.

Depends on the situation. Just because you are married on paper doesn't mean your marriage is worth saving. There are many people who stay in loveless marriages for the "sake of the kids" when they would be far better off just getting a divorce and moving on with their lives.

Was the woman's first husband a serial philanderer, did he drink too much, was he emotionally distant, did he refuse repeated efforts to seek counseling, was he a deadbeat who ran up credit card bills, was he emotionally or physically abusive?

So the current marriage got off to a less than noble start.....does that mean the couple spends the rest of their days wearing a badge of shame?

 

[Bamabuzzard]

Re: Do you personally know someone that was a part of a "home wrecker" situation?

And odds are you're probably right.

I've come across this situation repeatedly over the years, both socially and professionally. I've come to realize that, almost without fail, when a marriage ends it is rarely about the actions of just one person. It takes TWO EQUALLY COMMITTED PEOPLE to maintain a marriage. It is a relationship that takes a lot of hard work and devotion from both partners. It take two to keep it running and both are to blame when it falls apart. One person may cheat, but I guarantee you it's because there's something wrong within the marriage that the two of them have been unable or unwilling to confront and work through. No matter what you hear, the only two people who truly know what's happening in their marriage are the two people in the marriage, and even then the TRUTH is somewhere in the middle of their separate accounts.

Choosing to remain in a marriage, nurture it, and help it mature and become fulfilling is a CHOICE. Too many people feel it should just be about love and commitment. It's so much more complicated than that. Each and every day both people have to wake up and choose each other. When they can't do that, the marriage is over.

My suspicion about the couple you mention in the original post is this: Her former husband may not have wanted to admit it, but that marriage was over before the second husband-to-be made his appearance on the scene.

It's all very sad; especially for the children of the marriage between two people who can't get their act together to stick to their commitment to each other and their children.

 

[AllTide]

Re: Do you personally know someone that was a part of a "home wrecker" situation?

IMO it shows a lack of character for both. After saying that, all people make mistakes and deserve second chances.

 

[SavannahDare]

Re: Do you personally know someone that was a part of a "home wrecker" situation?

I was just disappointed.

You need to be more jaded. You'd find yourself being far less disappointed in folks. Everyone has secrets. Everyone.

EVERYONE.

 

[ValuJet]

Re: Do you personally know someone that was a part of a "home wrecker" situation?

You need to be more jaded. You'd find yourself being far less disappointed in folks. Everyone has secrets. Everyone.

EVERYONE.

Doggone right!

 

[TideEngineer08]

Re: Do you personally know someone that was a part of a "home wrecker" situation?

Kinda what I was thinking. People do things, and things sometimes just happen. Usually though, as Savannah says, it is already happening in the background beforehand.

I'll admit, I was a "homewrecker" that caused an engagement to break off once. But to be 100% honest about it, she made the first move, I had no idea she was engaged, actually didn't really even know her, and I was single myself. Wasn't really my problem other than knowing what I was doing to some other dude's fiance. But after a few months she broke it off with him and moved out. Was probably the best thing for both of them anyway. We dated for about 3 1/2 years, it didn't work out and we split up, and now 16 years later we live about 10 houses away from each other on the same street. Strange days, indeed.

I was almost in a very similar situation a few years ago. Girl started working where I did. She was engaged, but went after me almost immediately after she started working there. I believed her spiel that her fiance was a bad person, yet she never broke up with him. Turns out she was just seeking attention. Thank God I didn't get anymore involved with her than I did. It would have been the worst mistake I ever made.

You need to be more jaded. You'd find yourself being far less disappointed in folks. Everyone has secrets. Everyone.

EVERYONE.

Agreed, wholeheartedly. And everyone makes mistakes. While it was bad how this couple came to be together, that was in the past. There are parts of my past that I'd hate to have to deal with again.

 

[twofbyc]

Re: Do you personally know someone that was a part of a "home wrecker" situation?

You need to be more jaded. You'd find yourself being far less disappointed in folks. Everyone has secrets. Everyone.

EVERYONE.

:blush:

 

[It's On A Slab]

Re: Do you personally know someone that was a part of a "home wrecker" situation?

Well, assuming that these parties are not all conspiring and lying the issues seemed to be about careers, direction of careers, money issues and both of them "changing in different directions". I do understand what you're saying and I'm not condemning anybody to hell or anything. I was just disappointed.

I have to side with Savannah on this. I know from experience the strains that come with marriage, particularly a long one. As the marriage matures, and we grow older, we all change. We are not the same people we were when we were 10-15 years younger....and sometimes that is a good thing or it is a bad thing. You either adapt to the changes, understand the changes, grow together, or you grow apart. A long marriage can be very rewarding, but it takes a lot of work, a lot of sacrifice.

 

[GreatMarch]

Re: Do you personally know someone that was a part of a "home wrecker" situation?

I have to side with Savannah on this. I know from experience the strains that come with marriage, particularly a long one. As the marriage matures, and we grow older, we all change. We are not the same people we were when we were 10-15 years younger....and sometimes that is a good thing or it is a bad thing. You either adapt to the changes, understand the changes, grow together, or you grow apart. A long marriage can be very rewarding, but it takes a lot of work, a lot of sacrifice.

That is very true and well said. I am actually in a family with a serial homewrecker! Not once but twice! :mad2:

Also, in my young days serving in the military, my fiance left me for a homewrecker boy because of our time apart from each other. Poor girl didn't find happiness with him and I did hate that for her, but I did not let her come crying back to me.

And, recently "walked in" on 2 fellow employees. I have "walked in" on them now on multiple occasions.

And yes, EVERYONE has SECRETS!