My wife has experienced abuse and cover up quite first hand, both in her personal life and professional. Years ago her grandfather, a well known and beloved pastor in Brazil was leading a double life, carrying on a long-term affair with the church organist. My mother in law was a daddy’s girl, and held him up on a pedestal, so when this came to light, it was devastating to her, sending her on a rebellious streak. However, the affair was swept under the rug and covered up by the church leadership. My father in law was, at the time, dating my mother in law and he was (rightfully) indignant, hiring a private investigator, and was brushed off by church leadership when he presented evidence, convinced he was trying to besmirch the reputation of someone who was standing firm for the Gospel (or something like that). My father in law was a seminary student at the time, and with my mother in law’s rebellious streak, they slept together one night, which was the night my wife was conceived. When the pregnancy came to light, he was kicked out of the seminary, he and my mother in law were disciplined by the church, and he was forbidden from seeing either my mother in law, nor my wife for essentially two years (when my mother in law turned 21).
What ticks me off today 40 years later is the utter hypocrisy with which that church treated my in laws, and wife as well. Sure, what my in laws did wasn’t right, but neither was what my wife’s grandfather did, and indeed, I’d argue it is several orders of magnitude greater. However, the ones who were shunned by the church was not pastor carrying on a years long affair, but the ones who saw their sin (as Padreruf mentioned, by “biblical norms” at the time), asked for forgiveness, and repented. It split the church, devastated the family, and caused many in the family to (understandably so) renounce their faith. The ironic part of this whole saga is the ones who were so quick to condemn my in laws are now dealing with all sorts of garbage in their own lives now, while my in laws have been married 38 years. It’s not been an easy marriage, to say the least, but they’ve stayed committed to eachother for 38 years now (not to mention 2-3 years before that). And frankly, it’s a wonder my wife, her brother and sister are still professing Christians and well adjusted because with the stuff they saw, and experienced first hand themselves, often at the hand of the church, was downright demonic. Had they walked away from the Church, it would have been understandable and I would not have blamed them in the least.
That experience, awful as it was, set my wife (a counselor) up to be able to sit with people who’ve been exposed to similarly demonic stuff within the Church, and emphasize with them. She’s sat through depositions by third party/independent investigations into church abuses. She, obviously for privacy reasons, doesn’t reveal a whole lot of detail, but gives me enough of a glimpse to go all Howard Beale, opening my window shouting “I’m as mad as Hell, and I’m not going take it any more!”. As B.A. a counselor she is, she shouldn’t have to be in this field. In another life, she would either have attended UGA on a volleyball scholarship, or attended SCAD.
(I’ll add I’m not prone to get as mad as Hell, so it takes a special heinousness to send me over the edge, but this certainly fits the bill, no question.)
Abuse wherever and whenever it happens is heinous, full stop. When it happens within the church, and when it’s swept under the rug under the guise of preserving the purity and peace of the Church, and particularly when it involves children, it is down right demonic.
What ticks me off today 40 years later is the utter hypocrisy with which that church treated my in laws, and wife as well. Sure, what my in laws did wasn’t right, but neither was what my wife’s grandfather did, and indeed, I’d argue it is several orders of magnitude greater. However, the ones who were shunned by the church was not pastor carrying on a years long affair, but the ones who saw their sin (as Padreruf mentioned, by “biblical norms” at the time), asked for forgiveness, and repented. It split the church, devastated the family, and caused many in the family to (understandably so) renounce their faith. The ironic part of this whole saga is the ones who were so quick to condemn my in laws are now dealing with all sorts of garbage in their own lives now, while my in laws have been married 38 years. It’s not been an easy marriage, to say the least, but they’ve stayed committed to eachother for 38 years now (not to mention 2-3 years before that). And frankly, it’s a wonder my wife, her brother and sister are still professing Christians and well adjusted because with the stuff they saw, and experienced first hand themselves, often at the hand of the church, was downright demonic. Had they walked away from the Church, it would have been understandable and I would not have blamed them in the least.
That experience, awful as it was, set my wife (a counselor) up to be able to sit with people who’ve been exposed to similarly demonic stuff within the Church, and emphasize with them. She’s sat through depositions by third party/independent investigations into church abuses. She, obviously for privacy reasons, doesn’t reveal a whole lot of detail, but gives me enough of a glimpse to go all Howard Beale, opening my window shouting “I’m as mad as Hell, and I’m not going take it any more!”. As B.A. a counselor she is, she shouldn’t have to be in this field. In another life, she would either have attended UGA on a volleyball scholarship, or attended SCAD.
(I’ll add I’m not prone to get as mad as Hell, so it takes a special heinousness to send me over the edge, but this certainly fits the bill, no question.)
Abuse wherever and whenever it happens is heinous, full stop. When it happens within the church, and when it’s swept under the rug under the guise of preserving the purity and peace of the Church, and particularly when it involves children, it is down right demonic.
